You know what they say – the wedding is all about the
bride. Since women dream about their fairytale weddings almost all of their
life, the groom-to-be either steps aside – or is pushed – to assure that his
future wife has the wedding of her dreams.
Times have changed, with many couples paying for all of
most of their own weddings, the groom’s parents chipping in more money than before,
and the grooms are beginning to want to be more involved in the planning of the
main event. After all, it was his idea to get the ball rolling on a wedding,
wasn’t it?
John Bridges, author of A Gentleman Walks Down the Aisle:
Your Guide to the Perfect Wedding Day, a book on wedding etiquette for the groom,
explained that it’s not uncommon that the
groom gets lost in the shuffle during the planning stages of the big day.
“It’s easy for a guy to feel overlooked with all that
goes on surrounding the big day. But it doesn’t have to be this way. He ought
to pick up his responsibility and I do think that more men should get involved
in their weddings,” he said.
David Tutera, a New York City wedding planner and host of
My Fair Wedding on WeTV, added that as weddings are becoming more about the
bride and groom and less standardized, the men increasingly want to add their
personal touch.
“I think that grooms are becoming more involved in
wedding planning for two reasons. First, weddings are becoming more personal
than they used to be and for this reason, the men are finding it fun to add in
their own unique styles, heritages and ideas. Second, the wedding receptions
are now often taking the form of parties, as opposed to traditional
sit-down dinners, which seems to pique the interest of the grooms a bit more,”
Tutera said.
But, Bridges added, there is a line that
grooms should not cross unless a bride wants him to. “Yes, it’s their day, but
it is always going to be her wedding,” Bridges said.
Bridges explained that the bride and groom
need to sit down together and discuss roles in the wedding planning before the appointments
begin, so that there are no false expectations and feelings do not get hurt in
the process. After the groom tells the bride what role he wants, he needs to
stick to it.
“This is the first major thing that they are
going to do together. It is important to be clear and have a real conversation about
it. The bride needs to make it clear what she expects from the groom and this
is the groom’s time to speak up about how involved he wants to be,” says
Bridges.
Tutera agreed that the groom should be part
of the wedding planning if he so desires, but that the bride needs to make sure
that he participates in things that he wants to do.
“A bride knows her groom better than anyone
else and should be able to gauge his interest level. Trying to pique this by
involving him in elements he might enjoy is one thing, but bugging him with
questions he is clearly not interested in is another and should be avoided as
the planning process should be enjoyable for all,” he said.
Here are some helpful tips to keep
your groom involved:
Give your groom tasks to do to keep him busy. That way,
he feels involved and you can handle what you want to on your own or with your
mother or bridal party.
If the groom wants to have more of a say, politely tell
him that you have that task handled already so he doesn’t feel like you are just
brushing him aside.
For the bride who has an involved groom look for creative
ways to combine their ideas with the ones you’ve likely had since you were a
little girl.
For brides who wish their partners were more involved, select
elements that might interest your groom such as the music, specialty cocktails
or the getaway car and ask for their advice one-step at a time. Déjà vu Studios
Besides the traditional family role, some of the things
that the bride should allow the groom’s input on are venue selection, the menu,
the music and male fashion for the big day.
In addition, neither party should make major decisions
without consulting the other, Bridges said. “For example, the bride should talk
to him about who she wants to ask to be in her wedding party.
If he has a sister and it means a lot to him that she is
in the wedding party, then the bride should put her in the wedding party. The
groom should also talk to the bride about who he wants in his wedding party,”
he said.
Some things, like the honeymoon and budget, need to be
discussed by both the bride and the groom, Bridges said.
“The bride and the groom need to talk about and make sure
they stick to a budget. Starting off their lives in a huge amount of debt for
just one day isn’t worth it. Traditionally, the guy plans the honeymoon, but
that is something that the couple can be involved in together as well,” he
said.
A groom’s main role, however, is to be the rock for the
bride during the planning and to be able to smooth things over with his side of
the family if need be, Bridges said.
“He needs to be there when you need him and really needs
to be part of the solution, not part of the problem,” he said. “He needs to
make sure things go smoothly from his side of the family. He needs to talk to his sisters – if he has them
– before the bride starts making plans and he needs to talk to his mother so
that she does not go overboard. He really needs to be the peacemaker and be the
solid rock through the whole thing.” Bridges said.
However, Bridges added that the groom should voice any
questions or concerns. “It is important for him to speak up if he needs
information on the things that are happening or if he has questions to ask,” he
said.
Tutera added that you should keep in mind that the
wedding day is about both you and your groom.
“The purpose of a wedding is to join not only the bride
and groom, but also their families, histories, traditions and styles in order
to tell their love story. The final product should reflect all of this, from
both sides of the family and both the bride and groom. For this reason alone, the
planning process should be a joint collaboration,” says Tutera.
By being open with each other about expectations, as well
as making sure to work together when it is called for, the groom should be
satisfied with his role in the wedding planning and the bride can rest easy
knowing that her groom will be just as happy on their big day.
You know what they say – the wedding is all about the
bride. Since women dream about their fairytale weddings almost all of their
life, the groom-to-be either steps aside – or is pushed – to assure that his
future wife has the wedding of her dreams.
Times have changed, with many couples paying for all of
most of their own weddings, the groom’s parents chipping in more money than before,
and the grooms are beginning to want to be more involved in the planning of the
main event. After all, it was his idea to get the ball rolling on a wedding,
wasn’t it?
John Bridges, author of A Gentleman Walks Down the Aisle:
Your Guide to the Perfect Wedding Day, a book on wedding etiquette for the groom,
explained that it’s not uncommon that the
groom gets lost in the shuffle during the planning stages of the big day.
“It’s easy for a guy to feel overlooked with all that
goes on surrounding the big day. But it doesn’t have to be this way. He ought
to pick up his responsibility and I do think that more men should get involved
in their weddings,” he said.
David Tutera, a New York City wedding planner and host of
My Fair Wedding on WeTV, added that as weddings are becoming more about the
bride and groom and less standardized, the men increasingly want to add their
personal touch.
“I think that grooms are becoming more involved in
wedding planning for two reasons. First, weddings are becoming more personal
than they used to be and for this reason, the men are finding it fun to add in
their own unique styles, heritages and ideas. Second, the wedding receptions
are now often taking the form of fun parties, as opposed to traditional
sit-down dinners, which seems to pique the interest of the grooms a bit more,”
Tutera said.
But, Bridges added, there is a line that
grooms should not cross unless a bride wants him to. “Yes, it’s their day, but
it is always going to be her wedding,” Bridges said.
Bridges explained that the bride and groom
need to sit down together and discuss roles in the wedding planning before the appointments
begin, so that there are no false expectations and feelings do not get hurt in
the process. After the groom tells the bride what role he wants, he needs to
stick to it.
“This is the first major thing that they are
going to do together. It is important to be clear and have a real conversation about
it. The bride needs to make it clear what she expects from the groom and this
is the groom’s time to speak up about how involved he wants to be,” says
Bridges.
Tutera agreed that the groom should be part
of the wedding planning if he so desires, but that the bride needs to make sure
that he participates in things that he wants to do.
“A bride knows her groom better than anyone
else and should be able to gauge his interest level. Trying to pique this by
involving him in elements he might enjoy is one thing, but bugging him with
questions he is clearly not interested in is another and should be avoided as
the planning process should be enjoyable for all,” he said.
Here are some helpful tips to keep
your groom involved:
Give your groom tasks to do to keep him busy. That way,
he feels involved and you can handle what you want to on your own or with your
mother or bridal party.
If the groom wants to have more of a say, politely tell
him that you have that task handled already so he doesn’t feel like you are just
brushing him aside.
For the bride who has an involved groom look for creative
ways to combine their ideas with the ones you’ve likely had since you were a
little girl.
For brides who wish their partners were more involved, select
elements that might interest your groom such as the music, specialty cocktails
or the getaway car and ask for their advice one-step at a time. Déjà vu Studios
Besides the traditional family role, some of the things
that the bride should allow the groom’s input on are venue selection, the menu,
the music and male fashion for the big day.
In addition, neither party should make major decisions
without consulting the other, Bridges said. “For example, the bride should talk
to him about who she wants to ask to be in her wedding party.
If he has a sister and it means a lot to him that she is
in the wedding party, then the bride should put her in the wedding party. The
groom should also talk to the bride about who he wants in his wedding party,”
he said.
Some things, like the honeymoon and budget, need to be
discussed by both the bride and the groom, Bridges said.
“The bride and the groom need to talk about and make sure
they stick to a budget. Starting off their lives in a huge amount of debt for
just one day isn’t worth it. Traditionally, the guy plans the honeymoon, but
that is something that the couple can be involved in together as well,” he
said.
A groom’s main role, however, is to be the rock for the
bride during the planning and to be able to smooth things over with his side of
the family if need be, Bridges said.
“He needs to be there when you need him and really needs
to be part of the solution, not part of the problem,” he said. “He needs to
make sure things go smoothly from his side of the family. He needs to talk to his sisters – if he has them
– before the bride starts making plans and he needs to talk to his mother so
that she does not go overboard. He really needs to be the peacemaker and be the
solid rock through the whole thing.” Bridges said.
However, Bridges added that the groom should voice any
questions or concerns. “It is important for him to speak up if he needs
information on the things that are happening or if he has questions to ask,” he
said.
Tutera added that you should keep in mind that the
wedding day is about both you and your groom.
“The purpose of a wedding is to join not only the bride
and groom, but also their families, histories, traditions and styles in order
to tell their love story. The final product should reflect all of this, from
both sides of the family and both the bride and groom. For this reason alone, the
planning process should be a joint collaboration,” says Tutera.
By being open with each other about expectations, as well
as making sure to work together when it is called for, the groom should be
satisfied with his role in the wedding planning and the bride can rest easy
knowing that her groom will be just as happy on their big day.