STAY CONNECTED

  • Connect with us
  • Connect with us
  • Connect with Us

tips & articles

great advice for wedding planning

Long Island Bride and Groom title image

The Groom Playing his Role

by Emily Jane Cappiello  


You know what they say – the wedding is all about the bride. Since women dream about their fairytale weddings almost all of their life, the groom-to-be either steps aside – or is pushed – to assure that his future wife has the wedding of her dreams.

Times have changed, with many couples paying for all of most of their own weddings, the groom’s parents chipping in more money than before, and the grooms are beginning to want to be more involved in the planning of the main event. After all, it was his idea to get the ball rolling on a wedding, wasn’t it?

John Bridges, author of A Gentleman Walks Down the Aisle: Your Guide to the Perfect Wedding Day, a book on wedding etiquette for the groom, explained that it’s not  uncommon that the groom gets lost in the shuffle during the planning stages of the big day.

“It’s easy for a guy to feel overlooked with all that goes on surrounding the big day. But it doesn’t have to be this way. He ought to pick up his responsibility and I do think that more men should get involved in their weddings,” he said.

David Tutera, a New York City wedding planner and host of My Fair Wedding on WeTV, added that as weddings are becoming more about the bride and groom and less standardized, the men increasingly want to add their personal touch.

“I think that grooms are becoming more involved in wedding planning for two reasons. First, weddings are becoming more personal than they used to be and for this reason, the men are finding it fun to add in their own unique styles, heritages and ideas. Second, the wedding receptions are now often taking the form of parties, as opposed to traditional sit-down dinners, which seems to pique the interest of the grooms a bit more,” Tutera said.

But, Bridges added, there is a line that grooms should not cross unless a bride wants him to. “Yes, it’s their day, but it is always going to be her wedding,” Bridges said.

Bridges explained that the bride and groom need to sit down together and discuss roles in the wedding planning before the appointments begin, so that there are no false expectations and feelings do not get hurt in the process. After the groom tells the bride what role he wants, he needs to stick to it.

“This is the first major thing that they are going to do together. It is important to be clear and have a real conversation about it. The bride needs to make it clear what she expects from the groom and this is the groom’s time to speak up about how involved he wants to be,” says Bridges.

Tutera agreed that the groom should be part of the wedding planning if he so desires, but that the bride needs to make sure that he participates in things that he wants to do.

“A bride knows her groom better than anyone else and should be able to gauge his interest level. Trying to pique this by involving him in elements he might enjoy is one thing, but bugging him with questions he is clearly not interested in is another and should be avoided as the planning process should be enjoyable for all,” he said.

Here are some helpful tips to keep your groom involved:

Give your groom tasks to do to keep him busy. That way, he feels involved and you can handle what you want to on your own or with your mother or bridal party.

If the groom wants to have more of a say, politely tell him that you have that task handled already so he doesn’t feel like you are just brushing him aside.

For the bride who has an involved groom look for creative ways to combine their ideas with the ones you’ve likely had since you were a little girl.

For brides who wish their partners were more involved, select elements that might interest your groom such as the music, specialty cocktails or the getaway car and ask for their advice one-step at a time. Déjà vu Studios

Besides the traditional family role, some of the things that the bride should allow the groom’s input on are venue selection, the menu, the music and male fashion for the big day.

In addition, neither party should make major decisions without consulting the other, Bridges said. “For example, the bride should talk to him about who she wants to ask to be in her wedding party.

If he has a sister and it means a lot to him that she is in the wedding party, then the bride should put her in the wedding party. The groom should also talk to the bride about who he wants in his wedding party,” he said.

Some things, like the honeymoon and budget, need to be discussed by both the bride and the groom, Bridges said.

“The bride and the groom need to talk about and make sure they stick to a budget. Starting off their lives in a huge amount of debt for just one day isn’t worth it. Traditionally, the guy plans the honeymoon, but that is something that the couple can be involved in together as well,” he said.

A groom’s main role, however, is to be the rock for the bride during the planning and to be able to smooth things over with his side of the family if need be, Bridges said.

“He needs to be there when you need him and really needs to be part of the solution, not part of the problem,” he said. “He needs to make sure things go smoothly from his side of the family.  He needs to talk to his sisters – if he has them – before the bride starts making plans and he needs to talk to his mother so that she does not go overboard. He really needs to be the peacemaker and be the solid rock through the whole thing.” Bridges said.

However, Bridges added that the groom should voice any questions or concerns. “It is important for him to speak up if he needs information on the things that are happening or if he has questions to ask,” he said.

Tutera added that you should keep in mind that the wedding day is about both you and your groom.

“The purpose of a wedding is to join not only the bride and groom, but also their families, histories, traditions and styles in order to tell their love story. The final product should reflect all of this, from both sides of the family and both the bride and groom. For this reason alone, the planning process should be a joint collaboration,” says Tutera.

By being open with each other about expectations, as well as making sure to work together when it is called for, the groom should be satisfied with his role in the wedding planning and the bride can rest easy knowing that her groom will be just as happy on their big day. 


{Read More...}

You know what they say – the wedding is all about the bride. Since women dream about their fairytale weddings almost all of their life, the groom-to-be either steps aside – or is pushed – to assure that his future wife has the wedding of her dreams.

Times have changed, with many couples paying for all of most of their own weddings, the groom’s parents chipping in more money than before, and the grooms are beginning to want to be more involved in the planning of the main event. After all, it was his idea to get the ball rolling on a wedding, wasn’t it?

John Bridges, author of A Gentleman Walks Down the Aisle: Your Guide to the Perfect Wedding Day, a book on wedding etiquette for the groom, explained that it’s not  uncommon that the groom gets lost in the shuffle during the planning stages of the big day.

“It’s easy for a guy to feel overlooked with all that goes on surrounding the big day. But it doesn’t have to be this way. He ought to pick up his responsibility and I do think that more men should get involved in their weddings,” he said.

David Tutera, a New York City wedding planner and host of My Fair Wedding on WeTV, added that as weddings are becoming more about the bride and groom and less standardized, the men increasingly want to add their personal touch.

“I think that grooms are becoming more involved in wedding planning for two reasons. First, weddings are becoming more personal than they used to be and for this reason, the men are finding it fun to add in their own unique styles, heritages and ideas. Second, the wedding receptions are now often taking the form of fun parties, as opposed to traditional sit-down dinners, which seems to pique the interest of the grooms a bit more,” Tutera said.

But, Bridges added, there is a line that grooms should not cross unless a bride wants him to. “Yes, it’s their day, but it is always going to be her wedding,” Bridges said.

Bridges explained that the bride and groom need to sit down together and discuss roles in the wedding planning before the appointments begin, so that there are no false expectations and feelings do not get hurt in the process. After the groom tells the bride what role he wants, he needs to stick to it.

“This is the first major thing that they are going to do together. It is important to be clear and have a real conversation about it. The bride needs to make it clear what she expects from the groom and this is the groom’s time to speak up about how involved he wants to be,” says Bridges.

Tutera agreed that the groom should be part of the wedding planning if he so desires, but that the bride needs to make sure that he participates in things that he wants to do.

“A bride knows her groom better than anyone else and should be able to gauge his interest level. Trying to pique this by involving him in elements he might enjoy is one thing, but bugging him with questions he is clearly not interested in is another and should be avoided as the planning process should be enjoyable for all,” he said.

Here are some helpful tips to keep your groom involved:

Give your groom tasks to do to keep him busy. That way, he feels involved and you can handle what you want to on your own or with your mother or bridal party.

If the groom wants to have more of a say, politely tell him that you have that task handled already so he doesn’t feel like you are just brushing him aside.

For the bride who has an involved groom look for creative ways to combine their ideas with the ones you’ve likely had since you were a little girl.

For brides who wish their partners were more involved, select elements that might interest your groom such as the music, specialty cocktails or the getaway car and ask for their advice one-step at a time. Déjà vu Studios

Besides the traditional family role, some of the things that the bride should allow the groom’s input on are venue selection, the menu, the music and male fashion for the big day.

In addition, neither party should make major decisions without consulting the other, Bridges said. “For example, the bride should talk to him about who she wants to ask to be in her wedding party.

If he has a sister and it means a lot to him that she is in the wedding party, then the bride should put her in the wedding party. The groom should also talk to the bride about who he wants in his wedding party,” he said.

Some things, like the honeymoon and budget, need to be discussed by both the bride and the groom, Bridges said.

“The bride and the groom need to talk about and make sure they stick to a budget. Starting off their lives in a huge amount of debt for just one day isn’t worth it. Traditionally, the guy plans the honeymoon, but that is something that the couple can be involved in together as well,” he said.

A groom’s main role, however, is to be the rock for the bride during the planning and to be able to smooth things over with his side of the family if need be, Bridges said.

“He needs to be there when you need him and really needs to be part of the solution, not part of the problem,” he said. “He needs to make sure things go smoothly from his side of the family.  He needs to talk to his sisters – if he has them – before the bride starts making plans and he needs to talk to his mother so that she does not go overboard. He really needs to be the peacemaker and be the solid rock through the whole thing.” Bridges said.

However, Bridges added that the groom should voice any questions or concerns. “It is important for him to speak up if he needs information on the things that are happening or if he has questions to ask,” he said.

Tutera added that you should keep in mind that the wedding day is about both you and your groom.

“The purpose of a wedding is to join not only the bride and groom, but also their families, histories, traditions and styles in order to tell their love story. The final product should reflect all of this, from both sides of the family and both the bride and groom. For this reason alone, the planning process should be a joint collaboration,” says Tutera.

By being open with each other about expectations, as well as making sure to work together when it is called for, the groom should be satisfied with his role in the wedding planning and the bride can rest easy knowing that her groom will be just as happy on their big day.