Articles

Great Advice for Wedding Planning

Grooms: Your Wedding & You

by Duncan Reyneke

Deja Vu Studios

When it comes to the planning process of your wedding, there's a lot going on, from the guest list to the decor, food, DJ, and florist, to name only a few. The old tradition of the bride and her family taking care of the entire event is becoming a thing of the past. More and more often, modern grooms are voicing their opinions, getting creative, and bucking the stereotype of the clueless husband-to be by taking care of invitations, limos, and a host of other crucial wedding tasks. This is an opportunity for you the groom to reach out and really stake a personal claim to your own wedding. And it makes sense: your wedding is for you as well as your bride. Also, there's the added benefit of this being your first major project as a couple.

As with any major project, remember to start small, and be honest with your bride about your expectations. Find out what roles need to be filled, and think about what you can offer in relation to those services. If your bride needs for you to make calls to multiple wedding professionals because she hates to talk on the phone; take some time during the call to ask about things that interest you, or that only apply to you. Will the entertainment company let you play your guitar as a surprise for your wife? Could the florist help you choose cufflinks to match the bride's bouquet? These are perfect opportunities to take the wedding and put your own personal stamp on it. Let's take a look at four great ways in which you, the groom, can get involved with your upcoming wedding:

1. RESEARCH: Every task is made easier with lists. Sit down with your bride and put together a checklist of items that need to get taken care of, and prioritize them, so that you know when everything needs to get done. Then, work on becoming an expert on each of these points.

There are plenty of great resources for wedding information (you're reading one of them, right now) and thousands of forums online full of people who've had every style and size of wedding under the sun. Speak to friends who got married in the same area that you're holding your wedding in.

It may sound obvious, but your bride will thank you for taking the strain off of her, and you'll find out more about what you really want from your wedding, or what you feel like you can let go.

2. PLANNING: It's important to remember your wedding day is special and, really, about making you happy. If you're going to have a DJ/Band, it helps to interview a few of them ahead of time, so you don't spend the night listening to music you don't enjoy. Similarly, if you're a fan of swing music or want your groomsmen to hold up plastic lightsabers for you and your bride to walk under on your way down the steps, these are elements that are within your control.

One area of the planning process that you can actually have a lot of fun with is the honeymoon. This is your chance to shine. With enough planning, you can book tickets, tours, and hotels months in advance. Keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé, find out what she wants, and then apply your own wants to it. Go through a travel agency and be specific about what activities you want to do (horse riding at sunset? A cable car up a mountain?), where you want to go or what you want to see (hotels, islands, restaurants, or theme parks?), and your budget. You'll be amazed at the great finds you'll unearth if you approach your planning with a set of specific goals.

Another aspect of the planning, is the finalizing of the guest list. This is something you'll want to do with your bride instead of handling it yourself, but it is important and is a fantastic way to show you're involved. This can be incredibly stressful, on two fronts, as you have to gather all the addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses of both of your extended families. You'll also have to make cuts and additions depending on your budget, which can feel a lot like ranking your friends and family. Lending a hand here is not only considerate, it's basically essential.

3. RELATIONSHIP GOALS: Staying strong as a couple during the planning of your wedding is half the battle. Power struggles can develop when the groom and bride have different ideas of how the ceremony should look or play out. On the other hand, feelings can get hurt if either party feels like they're handling all of the important work themselves and not getting any input from their partner.

It's important to keep a level head, and remember: this is the first time you're likely to have seen your bride in this mode. A little humility and a lot of understanding are two good qualities to take into any tense situation. Really think about what could be causing a problem, and how you can either help her through it, or be humble enough to back away if you're in the wrong.

4. STYLE AND PERSONALITY: This is where grooms get to have their fun. Everything from your own suit to those of your groomsmen, dinner menu items, the gift registry, and even the invitations are opportunities for you to put a little bit of your style or input into your wedding. If what you want is an R.S.V.P card that asks guests whether they are "attending" or "missing out on the single greatest wedding in the history of mankind, and free cake", the only person who can suggest that is you? Similarly, if you want to spruce up your suit with Darth Vader cufflinks or have your groomsmen enter the hall to polka music, these can be your stylistic flourishes.

Ultimately, there are many opportunities for you as a groom to be more involved with the planning and coordinating of your wedding day. The idea of men being uninvolved because they don't care or won't fall in love with the wedding planning process is dated and limiting. Everybody has interests, and there is so much to be done, you'd be hard pressed to find something you can't help with. The best first step would be to sit down with your bride-to-be and discuss the wedding planning checklist and find out which tasks she wants to handle or has already committed herself to.

From planning and research, to comforting and being a shoulder to cry on, the best thing you can do as a groom is to find a way to be helpful with the wedding planning, and just get started. Between you and your bride, you'll be able to divide the list of the work that is needed to get one of the most important celebrations of your life running without a hitch.

During the planning process of your wedding you want to be flexible in learning new things, as you go. Many grooms discover they have serious opinions on things like place settings, where they may not have before. Similarly, brides are often surprised at what their grooms are disinterested in. Maybe steak is your favorite food outside of the wedding, but you find that you don't really care that much if it's on the menu at all. It's important to be honest and transparent with your bride, during the planning and coordinating phase, so that you avoid confusion. Crack open a day planner, set some priorities, and start being more involved with your wedding planning, today.

 

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When it comes to the planning process of your wedding, there's a lot going on, from the guest list to the decor, food, DJ, and florist, to name only a few. The old tradition of the bride and her family taking care of the entire event is becoming a thing of the past. More and more often, modern grooms are voicing their opinions, getting creative, and bucking the stereotype of the clueless husband-to be by taking care of invitations, limos, and a host of other crucial wedding tasks. This is an opportunity for you the groom to reach out and really stake a personal claim to your own wedding. And it makes sense: your wedding is for you as well as your bride. Also, there's the added benefit of this being your first major project as a couple.

As with any major project, remember to start small, and be honest with your bride about your expectations. Find out what roles need to be filled, and think about what you can offer in relation to those services. If your bride needs for you to make calls to multiple wedding professionals because she hates to talk on the phone; take some time during the call to ask about things that interest you, or that only apply to you. Will the entertainment company let you play your guitar as a surprise for your wife? Could the florist help you choose cufflinks to match the bride's bouquet? These are perfect opportunities to take the wedding and put your own personal stamp on it. Let's take a look at four great ways in which you, the groom, can get involved with your upcoming wedding:

1. RESEARCH: Every task is made easier with lists. Sit down with your bride and put together a checklist of items that need to get taken care of, and prioritize them, so that you know when everything needs to get done. Then, work on becoming an expert on each of these points.

There are plenty of great resources for wedding information (you're reading one of them, right now) and thousands of forums online full of people who've had every style and size of wedding under the sun. Speak to friends who got married in the same area that you're holding your wedding in.

It may sound obvious, but your bride will thank you for taking the strain off of her, and you'll find out more about what you really want from your wedding, or what you feel like you can let go.

2. PLANNING: It's important to remember your wedding day is special and, really, about making you happy. If you're going to have a DJ/Band, it helps to interview a few of them ahead of time, so you don't spend the night listening to music you don't enjoy. Similarly, if you're a fan of swing music or want your groomsmen to hold up plastic lightsabers for you and your bride to walk under on your way down the steps, these are elements that are within your control.

One area of the planning process that you can actually have a lot of fun with is the honeymoon. This is your chance to shine. With enough planning, you can book tickets, tours, and hotels months in advance. Keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé, find out what she wants, and then apply your own wants to it. Go through a travel agency and be specific about what activities you want to do (horse riding at sunset? A cable car up a mountain?), where you want to go or what you want to see (hotels, islands, restaurants, or theme parks?), and your budget. You'll be amazed at the great finds you'll unearth if you approach your planning with a set of specific goals.

Another aspect of the planning, is the finalizing of the guest list. This is something you'll want to do with your bride instead of handling it yourself, but it is important and is a fantastic way to show you're involved. This can be incredibly stressful, on two fronts, as you have to gather all the addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses of both of your extended families. You'll also have to make cuts and additions depending on your budget, which can feel a lot like ranking your friends and family. Lending a hand here is not only considerate, it's basically essential.

3. RELATIONSHIP GOALS: Staying strong as a couple during the planning of your wedding is half the battle. Power struggles can develop when the groom and bride have different ideas of how the ceremony should look or play out. On the other hand, feelings can get hurt if either party feels like they're handling all of the important work themselves and not getting any input from their partner.

It's important to keep a level head, and remember: this is the first time you're likely to have seen your bride in this mode. A little humility and a lot of understanding are two good qualities to take into any tense situation. Really think about what could be causing a problem, and how you can either help her through it, or be humble enough to back away if you're in the wrong.

4. STYLE AND PERSONALITY: This is where grooms get to have their fun. Everything from your own suit to those of your groomsmen, dinner menu items, the gift registry, and even the invitations are opportunities for you to put a little bit of your style or input into your wedding. If what you want is an R.S.V.P card that asks guests whether they are "attending" or "missing out on the single greatest wedding in the history of mankind, and free cake", the only person who can suggest that is you? Similarly, if you want to spruce up your suit with Darth Vader cufflinks or have your groomsmen enter the hall to polka music, these can be your stylistic flourishes.

Ultimately, there are many opportunities for you as a groom to be more involved with the planning and coordinating of your wedding day. The idea of men being uninvolved because they don't care or won't fall in love with the wedding planning process is dated and limiting. Everybody has interests, and there is so much to be done, you'd be hard pressed to find something you can't help with. The best first step would be to sit down with your bride-to-be and discuss the wedding planning checklist and find out which tasks she wants to handle or has already committed herself to.

From planning and research, to comforting and being a shoulder to cry on, the best thing you can do as a groom is to find a way to be helpful with the wedding planning, and just get started. Between you and your bride, you'll be able to divide the list of the work that is needed to get one of the most important celebrations of your life running without a hitch.

During the planning process of your wedding you want to be flexible in learning new things, as you go. Many grooms discover they have serious opinions on things like place settings, where they may not have before. Similarly, brides are often surprised at what their grooms are disinterested in. Maybe steak is your favorite food outside of the wedding, but you find that you don't really care that much if it's on the menu at all. It's important to be honest and transparent with your bride, during the planning and coordinating phase, so that you avoid confusion. Crack open a day planner, set some priorities, and start being more involved with your wedding planning, today.

 

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