Wedding Reality
Lindsay Elkins
From her dress to the flowers to the groom by her side, every bride wants her wedding to be a fairytale event. Yet, sometimes planning the big day can be a less than perfect affair that leaves her wondering if she’s the only one going through all that drama. Long Island Bride & Groom spoke to several real life couples on their wedding-planning experiences and beyond and had an expert weigh in to help you plan the wedding of your dreams.
Picking an engagement ring
Before the planning process can even begin there needs to be a proposal and a ring first. It’s up to the individual couple to decide whether or not the bride is involved in the ring selection, but according to our couples, family heirlooms can be a great option as an engagement ring not only for its sentiment, but also to free up extra cash for other parts of the wedding – like a more lavish honeymoon. One couple we spoke with, Julia and Tony, took this path.
“I knew Julia had an idea of what she wanted, but I also knew it would be very special to give her my great-great-grandmother’s ring,” says Tony. “The ring I eventually decided on was a family heirloom. I got it cleaned and repaired at a jeweler and couldn’t believe how great it turned out.”
If a new engagement ring is in the cards, many couples agree that the groom should try to choose a style that won’t make finding a matching wedding band a challenge.
Choosing your bridal party
While many brides look to their close friends for support during their wedding planning, the question, “So, who did you choose as your bridesmaids?” is bound to come up at some point. Of course no bride, or groom for that matter, wants to offend any of their good friends, but deciding on your bridal party can get complicated when choosing from family and friends.
For this reason, Julia chose to include only family in her bridal party because she didn’t want to have to choose between her close friends. “Since I have two sisters and one sister-in-law to-be, it was easy,” says Julia. “I have many close friends who I wouldn’t want to leave out, but it would be a too crazy for me to have 10 bridesmaids.”
If choosing a bridal party from a large group of friends is a problem, take a tip from Julia and include your friends in other areas of the wedding festivities. Julie chose to have two of her best friends do readings at the church, another one sing her wedding song with the band at the reception, another help her write her wedding vows, and so on.
Julia’s idea is right on target according to relationship expert and radio show host Dr. Terri Orbuch. “If you can’t accommodate all of your friends in the wedding party, but you still want them to be recognized, just remember that there are more than enough responsibilities to go around.”
Organizing your guest list
If trying to keep the bridal party to a reasonable number seems like a big enough task in itself, just imagine the guest list process. The guest list can often be an intimidating part of planning, especially since it’s usually not just the bride and groom choosing, but each set of parents chiming in, as well. Most couples start out with a range of people they would like to include depending on how large or small a wedding they want, and then make adjustments along the way. Newlyweds Glenn and Faith first took an inventory of each other’s families and then added in the number of friends they wanted to invite. Because Faith’s family alone was 100 people and they wanted to stay within their projected 175 to 250 range, the pair needed to practice a little discretion when it came to friends. A tip you can steal from them: When it comes to inviting friends, make sure you have seen or spoken to the person within the last couple of years.
Dealing with the in-laws
Few couples get married without at least one in-law run-in that becomes the joke of the holiday get-togethers. Everyone, of course, has their own perception of what the big day should entail, and the problem is it doesn’t always match up with what the bride and groom have in mind. “Differences between families can become more apparent when you plan a wedding,” says Dr. Orbuch.
Engaged couple Cortney and Pat encountered this firsthand when Cortney had finalized, or so she thought, her wedding invitations and let her fiancé’s parents have a peek. Pat’s mother recommended a few additional changes. “I’m a perfectionist always trying to please everyone, and I took her suggestions to heart, as if I wasn’t living up to her expectations,” says Cortney.
Dr. Orbuch’s advice is to pick your battles. “Sit down and decide which issues are most important to you. You can’t please everyone, so set priorities for what is important to you. Then, when others want it their way over a particular issue or area of the wedding you can negotiate, bargain, and
compromise.”
Planning a sweet retreat
The honeymoon is meant to be a relaxing trip and a way to celebrate the wedding after months of hard work and planning, but agreeing on a location and activities can leave some couples in need of another vacation. To avoid this stress, make sure both parties are on the same page – whether they are looking for a relaxing tropical getaway or an action-packed adventure.
For Pat and Cortney, location and activities were most important to them so they decided on a Mediterranean cruise because it offered the best of both worlds – lounging by the pool to relax and docking at various islands to explore.
Living happily ever after
After months–and sometimes years–of planning, some couples post wedding think ‘Ok, what’s next?’. According to Glenn and Faith, life after the ceremony is much easier than they both thought – so, throw that myth about the first year of marriage being the hardest out the window. The biggest adjustment for them, as well as many other couples, has been sharing a checking account, which clued Glenn in on Faith’s shopping addiction when they had to forfeit groceries one week in favor of her shoes.
Another obstacle Glenn and Faith have encountered is their fear of becoming an ‘old married couple’. That fear can be easily squashed with a few tips from Dr. Orbuch. She recommends continuing to do new and novel things together throughout your marriage. “Take a cooking class together, try skiing for the first time, or try a new restaurant once in while when you go out on the town,” says Dr. Orbuch. Remember not to forget date night or go on a romantic getaway every once in a while. “Newness is what fuels and adds passion to your relationship,” adds Dr. Orbuch.