Stress-Free Wedding Planning
Francesca Di Meglio
Getting engaged was a dream come true. But for some brides, planning the wedding can slowly turn into a trying experience. You have become diplomats overseeing the bridal party, financial wizards maintaining your budget, and managers to a slew of vendors, all while getting used to the fact that you’re making a lifetime commitment to one another. It can be a lot of pressure on a couple. There’s hope, however, if you’re feeling frazzled. Here are some of the more common wedding-related stressors and how to beat them, so that you enjoy what should be the happiest time in your life:
The stressor: You think you’re marrying a psychic. One of the most common problems among engaged couples is unspoken expectations, says Nora Baladerian, a psychologist at the Center for Healing in West Los Angeles. Brides tend to be more guilty of this because they often already know what they want for their wedding, and they expect their groom, and everyone else who loves them, to just know what they’re thinking.
The fix: Put it on paper and keep your options open. Get your ideas on paper and then narrow down what you want to do. After you and your future spouse have written down detailed accounts of how you envision the big day, swap notes. Then, decide what’s negotiable and what’s not for each of you, and try to come up with compromises that make you both happy.
The stressor: Your money tree isn’t growing. Unrealistic expectations about the big day are almost as dangerous as unspoken ones. Chances are you’re not a Rockefeller. That means that flying all your guests first class to Rome is probably out of the question. Still, many people start thinking that they have to keep up with the Joneses and even outdo their relatives and friends. And that’s often when money becomes a reason for the bride and groom – or their families – to face off.
The fix: Don’t let money get in the way of your good time. For starters, the bride and groom, and anyone else who is contributing financially, should decide on a budget together and stick with it as best they can. That doesn’t have to mean dashing all your hopes for an elegant affair. Some wedding planners encourage brides to come up with creative ideas that will help them look like big spenders without actually being one. For example, use black-and-white family wedding photos in affordable silver frames to display pieces of history at the reception’s entrance.
The stressor: The sound of bickering relatives is drowning out the wedding bells. Making everyone happy is tough. Mom, dad, and the in-laws can’t agree with you – or each other about the various details of the wedding, from guest list to menu. It’s causing you and your fiancé to argue, too.
The fix: Draw the line. “The day is about you and your future husband,” says newlywed Melissa Pasquariello. “You’ll never get that day again.” When Melissa calmly asked her parents to cut down on the list of 198 people they wanted to invite to make room for the couple’s friends and her husband’s family, the wedding planning continued on smoothly. Talking things through and being up front about what you want and need with your parents and future in-laws is the only way to find resolution. Walk the fine line between standing up for yourself and being considerate of your relatives feelings, and things will work out well.
The stressor: You’re running yourself ragged. True, weddings require attention to detail. But there’s only so much work one couple can do. You know you’re in trouble when you run out of time for eating and sleeping. That’s your cue to take action because no one wants a cranky or overrun bride or groom at the wedding.
The fix: Get organized and take a time out. Some brides, like Pasquariello, use a spreadsheet with their entire to-do list on it. Many wedding planners suggest using online tools on wedding websites (like librideandgroom.com) to help you keep track of your planning. If you plan ahead, you won’t get stuck with lots of errands at the last minute. Those who are feeling really overwhelmed should consider investing in a wedding planner, who will take care of the details for you. Most planners will handle everything from the rose petals for your flower girl to the arrival of your cake at the reception, so you can relax and enjoy basking in the spotlight as the bride-to-be. Wedding planners also troubleshoot any wedding-planning mishaps as quickly and quietly as possible, so you don’t have to worry about it. Even if you don’t want a planner, enlist your bridesmaids and ushers and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Delegate, delegate, delegate!
The stressor: The future is upon you – and you’re scared. Cold feet are a normal part of wedding planning. Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime, and agreeing to share yourself with another person is always a big undertaking.
The fix: Take some time for yourselves. “Getting married is one day of your life,” says Janice Hoffman, author of Relationship Rules, 12 Strategies for Creating a Love that Lasts and relationship coach in Boulder, Co. “Being married is the rest of your life.” Roberta Temes, a psychotherapist in Westfield, N.J., suggests that you and your beloved exchange love letters even if you are not writing your own vows. Sharing how you feel about one another before the wedding reminds you just why you decided to get married in the first place. That should put everything into perspective.