Reception 101
Kimberly Ryerson
A fun and informational breakdown of your wedding's big bash
Once your wedding ceremony concludes, officially making you husband and wife, it’s time to kickoff the party honoring your new union. However, with so many details to cover, planning your reception can seem like a difficult task. To make it easy, we’ve put together the highlights of a typical wedding reception – including fun facts on the origin and meaning of some of the key elements involved – plus tips for organizing your party. With this crash course in the basics under your belt, you’ll be sure to score an “A” on your wedding day by planning a seamless celebration for all to enjoy.
Origin of the Wedding Reception
The concept of a wedding reception is based on a French folk custom from the Middle Ages, known as charivari. Traditionally, this was a prank performed by friends of a newly-wed couple intended to interrupt their wedding night. The friends would crowd under the couple’s window and serenade them loudly while banging on pots and pans, ringing bells, and blowing on horns. The disruption would continue until the newlyweds invited their unexpected guests in for refreshments. These mock celebrations evolved into the present-day wedding reception.
Cocktail Hour
Cocktail hour follows immediately after the ceremony, as an introduction to the reception. During this time, the bride and groom along with the bridal party have the opportunity to take their formal wedding photographs while their guests mingle.
After the cocktail hour, guests are normally escorted into the ballroom or dining area. But prior to that, the couple can have their photographer take detailed photos of the room – including the table settings, menus, flowers, and wedding cake. “These turn out to be really important shots for the bride and groom,” says Kathy Jo Peterson of Kathy Jo Peterson Weddings and Events in Orange County, Ca. “They capture a very magical moment, when couples get to see all the beauty of their planning set in place and untouched right before the guests go in.”
Couple’s Grand Entrance
There are several different ways for a couple to make their grand entrance into the reception. One traditional manner is to first introduce both sets of parents, then the bridal party, and finally the bride and groom. Another option is to have only the couple enter formally, and the parents and bridal party – who entered the ballroom with the guests – announced from their tables.
The First Dance
Peterson suggests that couples go right into their first dance following their grand entrance. One reason for this is aesthetics – since no one has yet eaten, the room will still be pristine, ensuring that photos capturing this memorable moment will be free of wine glasses and dirty dishes.
The custom of a first dance dates back to ancient times, when the groom who, with the help of his best buddy, used to kidnap his bride from a neighboring town when there was a short supply of eligible ladies to wed. He would show off his stolen bride by parading her around, showing off his “prize” to his other warrior friends.
The Welcome Toast
After the bride has her first dance with her groom and then with her father, the person hosting the wedding, often the father-of-the-bride, normally gives a welcome toast. But these days, it’s not uncommon for the groom’s family to contribute towards the wedding, as well. “If both families are splitting the wedding costs, the father-of-the-bride will speak, followed by the father-of-the-groom,” says Peterson.
The tradition of the couple raising their wine glasses to their future is another custom with French roots. It is said that a piece of toasted bread would be placed at the bottom of the newlywed’s drinking glasses to ensure good health, and then they would drink as fast as they could to see who would be the first to reach the bread. According to legend, the winner would rule their household.
The Cake Cutting
After the dinner comes the cutting of the cake. Peterson advises couples not to fret over the thought that serving the wedding cake so soon into the reception will signal to their guests that it’s time to go home. “There is a false illusion to the cake cutting,” says Peterson. “Many of my brides will say to me ‘Once we cut the cake, everybody will leave’. That isn’t true.” Peterson suggests cutting the cake right after dinner, so that even those who may have to head out early can still enjoy a piece of the bridal confection. “Also, if you wait until the end of the evening, typically the group gets so into partying and drinking that the pageantry of cutting the cake can go completely to waste.”
The cutting of the cake by both the bride and the groom originated from an ancient Greek custom in which the couple partnered in the task to ensure they would have a fruitful marriage. Making the first cut into their wedding cake together is also meant to symbolize the beginning of the couple’s shared future.
Bouquet and Garter Toss
After the party has gotten underway, it’s time for the bouquet and garter toss. The bride tosses her bouquet out to all the single ladies, and the groom removes the bride’s garter and throws it to the crowd of bachelors. The people who catch the bouquet and garter are said to be the next ones to marry, though not necessarily to each other. A more modern, and possibly more tasteful, alternative is to invite couples to the dance floor for an “anniversary dance”, and then while the music is still playing ask them one by one to sit down according to how long they’ve been married. The couple married the longest will then be presented with a special bouquet. “It’s a very sweet moment that makes for a very nice presentation,” observes Peterson.
The bouquet toss is thought to have originated from a 14th century French tradition when female guests took a piece of the bride’s wedding gown, which was believed to bring them good fortune. To avoid destroying the dress, the bride offered her bouquet as a substitute. You can do a modified version of the bouquet toss by handing the flowers to a special friend or relative. Don’t forget to have your florist make a throw-away bouquet, so you can keep your beautiful blooms for yourself.
Catching the garter at a wedding is not only another age-old belief that snatching a piece of the bride’s ensemble was lucky, but also thought that the groom who gave away his bride’s garter was guaranteed her faithfulness to him.
Couple’s Grand Exit
All good things must come to an end, including your wedding reception – which is typically marked by your grand exit as a couple, during which the two of you bid your guests a final thank you and goodnight. At this point, your honeymoon has officially begun. The old custom of a bride changing out of her wedding gown and into a chic, white getaway outfit is en vogue again.
Incorporating Cultural and Personal Touches
A great way to customize a wedding reception is to incorporate cultural traditions representative of the couple’s ethnic heritage. “I think it’s very important to take the unique nature of the bride and groom and mix them together,” says Peterson. Anytime you can give a nod to your culture it creates a very personalized and heartwarming wedding.
Personalizing your wedding reception to reflect a theme that is meaningful to you as a couple also makes for a unique and memorable affair. Peterson recalls a reception she planned for a couple who went to see “Cirque du Soleil” on their first date. They did a tent motif in the ballroom, using tall white flowers and chairs covered with white fabric. They then lit chandeliers with hot pink and other deep colors to give the room a sort of magical circus look. “Also, in between each course, we had performers doing acrobatics. It was amazing.”
As the bride-to-be, remember that when it comes to planning your wedding reception the only limitation is your imagination. Therefore, this reception timeline is meant to be a helpful guide, not an itinerary set in stone. You can make adjustments to the program to better reflect your priorities, as well as your personality. In the end, planning an event you’ll remember fondly is really the only “guide” that matters.