Mom and Matrimony
Michelle Rainer
They’ve changed diapers, endured teenage mood swings, and seen you and your fiancé graduate from college and land that first job. Now they’re faced with one of their biggest parenting challenges yet – deciding what to wear to your wedding. But take heart, mothers of the bride and groom are no longer obliged to wear beige suits with matching hats. Today’s moms enjoy relaxed protocols and the freedom to choose from a wide range of fashion-forward options.
ETIQUETTE
Traditionally, the mother of the bride picks her outfit first, and then informs the mother of the groom of her choice. The groom’s mother is then expected to choose a dress in a complementary style, cut and tone, being careful not to upstage the other mom or match her too exactly.
Modern rules are less rigid. While the groom’s mom should still play a more subdued role, there’s no need for her to wait for the mother of the bride’s call. “She should feel comfortable calling the bride’s mother to talk about outfits,” says Peggy Post, author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette. “If the relationship is a healthy one, stepmothers should also check in with the biological mother on what she’s wearing. A simple conversation can clear up any questions or details.”
“Both mothers should communicate with the bride,” says Mahjuba Levine, an L.A.-based bridal stylist. “I’ve seen so many weddings where the moms are wearing the same color and style, and they’re
really disappointed. This is a time when both families come together, so it’s really important to share.”
If she doesn’t care for the look you prefer, allow your mom or future mother-in-law to let you know her preference. After all, you’ll want to see your mom happy, and you’ll also want to start off on the right foot with your mother-in-law.
SHOPPING TIMELINE
Moms should start shopping as soon as the bride has chosen dresses for herself and the wedding party. If she’s ordering rom a bridal shop, she should start six months in advance to be sure she gets the color and style she wants. Most boutiques stock a limited quantity of each style, and she’ll need enough time to have her choice special-ordered from the designer and tailored to fit.
CURRENT TRENDS
“Today’s moms are a little more fashion-forward and aren’t afraid to project their own style,” says Levine, who cites long, strapless dresses as a popular current trend for evening weddings. “Showing off a bit of skin with bare shoulders or a deep v-neck is huge. She can cover up during the ceremony with a shawl, an elegant jacket, or a fashionable shrug.”
As far as color goes, Levine says black is on the way out. She recommends burgundy, navy, or chocolate for winter weddings; and more colorful tones for summer. Prints should be avoided, as should any color that will stand out too much from the wedding party. “Mothers of the bride and groom should think about what will work in the photographs,” she cautions.
“No color or style is off-limits as long as the presentation is tasteful and considerate,” says Post. “Mothers should simply keep in mind that their attire should reflect the spirit and sentiment of the event.”
Levine recommends chic, classic suits and dresses in satin and silk. Moms should be prepared to spend a lot of time in the fitting room. “Styles change so much. She’ll have to try on everything to see what works for her,” says Levine.
SPLURGE!
With all the other expenses of a wedding, your or your fiancé’s mom might be tempted to skimp on her outfit. She shouldn’t! “This is a special day—she should buy something new, says Levine.”
The mothers of the bride and groom should invest in the best quality she can afford. After all, this is her child’s wedding. She shouldn’t think of her outfit as a one-time purchase. The outfit might make an appearance at a New Year’s party, a retirement ceremony, or a night at the theater. “She should buy something she loves and feels comfortable in,” says Levine. “She’ll be able to wear it again and again.”